From Brokenness to Beauty
I’m slowly learning what it is that God wants for my life, then, when I think I’ve got it all figured out, I realize that I’m completely wrong. How awesome is it that I shouldn’t be worrying about where my life is headed? How horrible is it that I don’t trust God enough to allow Him to fully work through me? Upon figuring out my passions and gifts that I’ve been given, I’ve also had quite the ride upon coming to college. Growing up in a Christian home made things seem “easy” and “perfect”, but in reality nothing was close to easy or perfect. When I started attending Abilene Christian University, I was officially on my own. That being said, I experienced something I didn’t expect to feel:
A constant lesson God has been teaching me is that He can turn my brokenness into beauty. Back when I was in middle school and high school I made poor decisions, but convinced myself that I didn’t have to repent of it. I allowed myself to believe lies which ultimately separated me from God. During those years I didn’t know why I had felt so distant and dry in my walk with God, but as I reflect on my past, one thing is clear – I wasn’t worshipping the Father with a broken heart. I had always praised Jesus’ name when things were going right and forgotten He existed when life’s little burdens got in the way. I was broken, I needed more of God, but I didn’t care to strive for Him.
In Jeremiah 18, it talks about the potter and the clay. The potter will mold the clay from something useless to something absolutely stunning. God is doing the same. As I attended church in Abilene, I was challenged to repent of my sins verbally as it says to do in James 5:16. After doing so I had never felt so humble before God. I was so broken and completely embarrassed before God (who obviously had already been aware of my wrong doing in my past). This was the first time I had felt broken from this standpoint. It brought humility and broke away pride from my heart. I finally had the opportunity to praise God with a pure and clean heart. I hadn’t been able to worship my Father with such a clean heart before in my life.
It’s okay to be broken. We aren’t perfect. Romans 3:10 says that none of us are righteous on our own. God is there to fill the gap of the unrighteousness. Our flesh will lean toward sin, but with God there is hope. We have become righteous in Him. We are broken people, we are to repent to one another, ask for forgiveness from our Savior, but because we feel broken now doesn’t mean we will feel that way for the rest of our lives. God turns our brokenness into beauty.